Toxicity.

Toxicity.

With the advent of the Internet, or more importantly with the anonymity of the Internet, you have people that… well, act in ways they usually wouldn’t in the “real world”.  Or at least, it’s more comforting to think of things that way.  Abhorrent mindsets–those that are racist, sexist, xenophobic, mean-spirited, you name it–are present on the Internet in such great numbers that generally more sane people have grown numb to the hateful words of the vocal minority.  With the rise of the Neo Nazis, however (calling them the far-right is dampening the effect of what a truly terrifying event this is), the general attitude of the ‘stick fingers in our ears and hum’ towards the hateful minority is deemed largely ineffective… and dangerous.

Friday was the day of the inauguration of the man who represented the views of these Neo Nazis–and their hopes for what they deem is a brighter future… at least, a brighter future of any straight white Christian male American.  Despite losing the majority vote, Trump was able to win the Electoral College and a strong rural voter turnout in swing states, and while this is not a first in the nation’s history, it is the most striking example of the fallacies of the American democracy.

So in response, yesterday millions of people around the country, around the world in protest of our new President and what he and his government stood for.  More specifically it was a “Woman’s March” to protest the government’s plans to severely hinder women’s healthcare and the right to abortions, amongst other things.  However, anyone was welcome, and the march, at its core, meant more than that–it was to send a message that the people of America and the world were not going to take the rise of the Neo Nazis laying down.

It was a wonderful event, with swaths of people around the world marching in their cities, standing up for their rights and properly getting the attention of those in power.  But of course, this is the Internet.  And as such, negativity is abound, even on this momentous, record-breaking, positive movement.

I’m not even talking about the usual suspects–the Neo Nazis that would complain about the protest while they push their elected officials to pass bills that allow harm to come to peaceful protestors.  If anything, their dismay and feeble flails on social media are exactly the response the March was meant for, because it means that they noticed, and that they’re worried for their governmental future.

No, I’m talking about those that spin negativity in even the most positive light.  They are very similar in real life than they are on the Internet–there is something wrong with everything, and while that is factually true, to point it out in every scenario is reductive and ultimately not only useless, but ultimately a toxic mindset.

It’s a shame too.  One particular Tweet in the sea of positive pictures and Women’s March signs really stuck out to me.  In it, the person complained that there weren’t enough ‘all-inclusive’ signs out in the March, and as such she (I believe) did not want anything to do with this brand of ‘titties and vagina’ feminism.

Regardless of your feelings of feminism and how said boobs and cooches fall into it, the tweeter’s statement was flat-out false.  Any cursory glance at the Women’s March signs had to do with women, and yes, a lot of them had to do with their healthcare because that was the core of the issue… but it’s also obvious that people where there to march for all sorts of issues.  There were many signs for Black Lives Matter, the LQBT+ movement, and even in general opposition of Trump.  Sure, there were a larger amount of signs talking about pussies, but that’s in direct response to one infamously horrible Trump quote, that makes for plenty of great sign slogans.

Instead, though, this particular person was looking for a very specific kind of sign… one in which the explicitly states that we need to care about every person that identifies as female, not just the ones with the vaginas.  While not technically a bad statement in and of itself, to ask that of a March that is, in all intensive purposes, all inclusive comes across as mean-spirited.  And to say that they want no part in this “exclusive” brand of feminism when the only wrongdoing they’ve done is not make enough signs of a certain nature is rather… well, it really has the opposite effect of what they want.  If someone takes their toys and go home because a multi-million person protest didn’t have the prerequisite number of “be nice to all people that identify as female because you’ve clearly forgotten us” (even though they weren’t) signs, then what are you supposed to do?

The point is, it’s sad.  The world, with Brexit, Trump, and the rise of the Neo Nazis is really facing a social crisis that… well, frankly, we’ve seen before, but we shouldn’t be seeing again.  But yet, while millions unite to stand up to this threat, others still just want to find any reason to not want to participate and spin the whole thing in a negative light in an attempt to look like they’re still on the right side of it all.

By the way… it’s really not that hard to make your own sign.

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2016.

2016.

I’ll just get it out of the way.  2016 sucked.  It sucked for world, but I’m not even talking about that.  No, I’m being selfish today.  2016 sucked for me.  I can only hope 2017 will be a bit of a better year, which it’s already shaping up to being, but I don’t want to get my hopes up too too high.  Gotta be prepared for disappointment if something goes wrong, after all.

If I sound bitter, it’s simply because I’m not much of a holiday person–not a full-blown Grinch, no, I definitely don’t rain on others’ parades and cheer but do I hate the holidays.  It actually helps a bit that it never really feels like the holidays in Florida… hell, it’s still in the 70’s here.  Other than joyious coworkers forcing luncheons it’s pretty tame here.  But anyway, let me get to my year of bitching.

Honestly, the year started off pretty well.  I got a government job that paid a very large sum more than my job at the law firm, and on top of that I moved into a place with very cheap rent.  It was a perfect combination to pay off my pesky credit card debt and finally, FINALLY get my finances completely straightened out.  Of course, some things got into the way of that (a few sudden bills, dental work, and hell a vacation damnit), but I have been making relatively decent progress on that.  I can fully see myself fully paying all that off somewhat early in 2017.

Though, it feels like I’ve been somewhat stagnant this year as a result.  I can’t really make plans or any large purchases (like a car) until these other debts are taken care of… okay, well, theoretically I could, but I’d rather not be in *more* debt, thanks.  But this vague feeling of being stuck (even though it’s more just building myself up for the future) is not helped by all the not great things that happened throughout the year.

When I moved out of my apartment, I had to sublet someone, so so happened to end up being a drug addict and skipped out on rent after 4 or so months, so I had to break my lease… which technically wasn’t possible because realty companies basically go “fuck you and your problems”, so I had to stop paying rent there, or pay rent I couldn’t afford on top of my other rent for months in an empty place.  That’ll be a great black mark on my record!

Oh, and right when I was about to graduate community college and finally get into FSU, after years of setbacks and drama, I’m suddenly told my GPA isn’t good enough.  Not only not good enough to get into the degree of my choice, but to not get into the school at all.  I was livid, because my GPA was 2.89, and was set to get higher when I passed my final class.  But therein lies the problem, apparently FSU calculated GPA differently.  They counted every class you withdrew from into your GPA as well, which…. I’ve never heard of any other school doing.  It tanked my respective if average GPA into what I can only assume is oblivion, since they didn’t bother to tell me the real number.  So, all those years of schooling, trying to get my Bachelor’s while trying not to be homeless and somehow being forced to be paying student loans (while in school, let’s make that obvious), has faced yet… another… huge… setback.

And to be honest on that front?  I’m done.  I’m tired of trying to push through school.  At this point yes, I do have some options, and since I work for the state government and am going for a degree that would be of use to them they will pay for it, but the endless stress of taking classes, taking time off to take tests because the buses suck so much, and everything else is just too damn much.  I don’t want to deal with it, not now.  Having the latter half of the year to just work and not worry about anything else just makes everything a lot more manageable.  Right now I want to work on me, not on some scrap of paper that frankly I don’t know if I’ll even need in the future.

Of course, working on me didn’t go quite as planned.  I had a goal to lose weight, and as of now I managed to gain 3 lbs since the beginning of March.  Of course, much of this is the fault of me myself and I, from a lack of willpower to the scale not budging making me severely depressed and giving me a “fuck it all” attitude.  Thankfully, since late September/early October I’ve changed my fitness goals from “I need to be thin” to “I want to get strong”, so the scale being high is no longer affecting me the way that it was.  It’s only been a couple months with this new mindset and the holidays tend to get in the way of most things, so I know I’ll be making a lot of progress next year as I systematically clean up my diet and fuel my body for the BIG HULK MUSCLES*

(note that women can’t really get big hulk muscles)

But even on top of these far larger annoyances and disappointments, it’s the smaller things too.  I somehow lost all contact with my former real life friends, and I am not sure of the reasons or whatever imagined drama got me ‘kicked out’ of the group.  I got attacked and chased by an aggressive dog in July.  My supervisor suddenly turned in his two week notice earlier in the month (which ended up being only a one week notice), putting a ton of strain on my team while we’re in the middle of a months long hiring freeze. My attempt to re-enter my family’s life this Christmas fell flat on its face.  It won’t stop being hot, yet somehow global warming doesn’t exist.

2016 has just been piles upon piles of confusion, annoyance, and disappointment.  It wasn’t all bad, some really good things did happen, but I can’t really chalk this up as a good year, given my personal troubles and the climate of the world and somehow Nazis getting back into power or some shit.

Oh well.  Here’s to 2017 being better… for me, at least.  Well, it’ll be better if a nuclear war doesn’t break out.  I guess we’ll see.